ASTRO-QUANTUM  RESEARCH

               A lot of people say, “Isn’t quantum physics dangerous?” 

               To which we reply, “We eat danger for breakfast.”

                And it’s true.  56% of employees who didn’t have a fatal reaction to cereal enriched with vitamin D and gamma rays gained 1 IQ point and 1% gained superhuman abilities.  Some critics of progress may argue probabilities are too low to outweigh the risks, but we have a friendly saying in the workplace: “if the odds of survival are better than a game of roulette, chance it!”

               Ball Laboratories has a strict no-gambling policy for its employees.

               The inception of Ball Laboratories had its roots in one of the most exciting moments in New Mexican history—the Roswell Incident.   In June 1947 a streaking fiery blue disk of light crashed into the desert outside of Roswell, igniting nationwide speculation.  A picture had been released of the site shortly after of a large crater and in the middle a 12’’ unidentified blue object (popularly known as an UBO).  Federal agents rolled in and newspapers theorized, claiming it to be anything from aliens to a Wolfean bomb.
   
                Well, we all know the legend of the Two Blue Dudes and the redemption they gave us from the Sergio Lardizibal Wolf's reign over the Southwest region.  However, when they disappeared after the war in middle of October 1948, all that was left behind was the mysterious object that had become known as the Blue Rubber Band Ball.
   
                Leaving behind nothing but the "Blue Rubber Band Ball," as it had been affectionately called by survivors of the war, the Federal government tried to seize control of the massively powerful artifact.  Unfortunately, it refused to leave precisely 389 miles of its crash site, according to an unofficial report published by the State Bureau of Investigations.  The document, declassified due to the efforts of Texas agent codenamed "Lesley Bell," revealed the following:
                            "Various sources reported that the vehicle transporting [it] would always shake in an irregular manner.  One soldier reports it grew so intense 'until the only thing you could hear or feel was the Ball.
                            It didn't talk, it didn't growl.  I just vibrated, pulsing so much it was all you could hear, all you could see, and all you could feel.  It turned so blue you had to look away.'
                           

               The ball would stay in New Mexico then.  It caught the immediate eye of several important physicists of the day, namely because of the strange selective gravitational field that kept it locked around its crash site.  Soon it became apparently there was much more scientific phenomenon attached to the unworldly ball.  Dr. George Alymer, a humble physicist and former optometrist stepped in to set aside a land grant for the formation of a laboratory dedicated to unraveling the technology and mysterious surrounding the ball.  With the approval of the newly instated New Mexican government, Dr. Alymer forged what would become the largest research facility in the Southwest. 

               76 years later, Ball Laboratories prides itself on its accomplishments and its continual involvement in the community.  Thank you!

Some of our scientists, doing science.

A declassified picture of Dr. Gregory Tynes (CSXI) and Dr. James Cole (CSXR) experimenting with the Ball Labs Mainframe Intelligence Accumulator.